I turned 30 on Aug. 29 and I figured it was time to do a new blog post. The past year leading up to my birthday I didn’t feel stressed or sad about turning 30. I looked at it as a fresh start in a new decade. But I’m not going to lie—this was actually a bit of a tough week and month.
I really started putting everything into perspective and looking back on my 20s—what did I accomplish, but more importantly what didn’t I accomplish? I began to feel a bit of race against time, which I realize is silly because I’m still young by most standards.
There is somewhat of a sense of lost time or lost youth when you can no longer say you are in your 20s. It’s kind of disorienting. My dad always asks me if I feel any older on my birthday and I always reply “no.” This year was different though. I woke up on my birthday, looked in the mirror and I did feel different. I looked different. I can’t really explain it. And I don’t necessarily mean I looked different in a bad way, but I swear something had shifted overnight. I’m 100 percent sure I’m the only person who noticed, but that doesn’t make it any less real.
I never want to be one of those people who looks back and says, “I wish I would have done this or that” and I feel like really tried to seize every reasonable opportunity in my 20s. I traveled, I spent time with friends and family, I got my college degrees, I got married, I got the job I had always wanted. I feel like you always wish you would have or could have done more, but it’s not always possible whether its financial reasons, time restraints or some other logistical reason. It’s also a curse to be living in the social media age where it’s so easy to constantly compare your life other people.
And then, of course, there are all of the societal pressures that come along with being a woman in her 30s—i.e. having kids. It feels as if the biological clock is literally ticking in my ear sometimes. I worry about putting it off for too long, but I don’t feel like I want to have kids just yet. I know everyone says there’s no good time to have kids, but I don’t fully believe that.
However, I’m nearly a week into my 30s and settling in quite nicely. I’m sure this time next year I’ll look back on this post a laugh at how worried I was about the whole thing.